In Memory

Copper, a beagle, on the left, passed away on January 16th, 2009

Patch, a brittney, to the right, passed away on February 21st, 2009

Domino, a cocker mix, to the right this row, passed away on December 4th, 2010

Three of a long line of pets in our family who have so lovingly gave their lives with devotion to their owners. These are my "grand dogs", so called because they belonged to our grandkids. Each dog I can honestly say had a lot to do with my grand kids upbringing. We have "dog sit" these animals many times when the kids had to leave on a trip or be out of town for a few days, and they were always a joy to have around, each one with their own personality. Copper took sick and after a visit to the vet lasted only a few days before the kids went home for lunch and found her dead on the stair landing. Patch's health had been worsening for the past year and her family had her put to sleep which gave her peace from her pain. It's a sad time here and not the first time we've all gone through this..... Domino was hit by a car on the road in front of her house and the whole family is crying together along with her family who loved her so very much. She was hard of hearing and only had one eye but she lived her little life to it's fullest and received a lot of love, as they all have during their time with us.

My thoughts return today to the pets I've had in my life......there was little "Poopie" who I found laying in a ditch. Someone had run over him and drug him aside to die. He was my first dog and after I run for help, we carried him home and nursed him back to health and he was with me as a kid for many years. Then there a "Sparkie" a little black half cocker who followed me everywhere I went on the creek, and slept next to my bed every night. Next was "Big Dog", a very large black & tan coon dog. Though he lived outside, I would bring him in the house, dress him in baby clothes and pull him around in the wagon. When night time came, Dad would take him down on the creek coon hunting and he was prized throughout the county as being one of the best.

After I married and left home, when our son was two years old, we acquired "Lady". She was a full blooded Brittney and highly trained bird dog who belonged to our neighbor. When the neighbor went to work during the day, our son would go over to their yard and let Lady out of the pen and the two of them played together all day...... Eventually, the neighbor decided to give Lady to us and she very happily settled in with us until her death 15 years later. Then we got "Target", half cocker and half brittney, a wonderful little black & white dog and very loyal to our son and daughters. She also lived for 15 years until after our kids had left home. When I had to take her in to have her put to sleep, I vowed that was the last time I could go through that. I simply could not lose another one, and we've not had a dog since. However, we did enjoy our "grand dogs".

I know how hard losing these pets are for their families. Copper and Patch and Domino, you were so loved.........Rest in Peace, you had good lives, but your jobs are over now. You did your jobs well, and we will miss you ...... In tribute to all of you and all of the special pets I've had in my life, each of you gave so much more than anyone will ever know.

Happy Valentines Day

May you all be surrounded by love....and so much more 

every day of your lives...

The Right Moves

My friend “Shark” sent me this quote and it just seems to fit perfectly with my thoughts today.

"The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing;
it demands a firm and watchful stance against any unexpected onset." -- Marcus Aurelius

It’s been a bit of a hard past week or so……If you’ve read my blog “My Journey”,  in Sept. of '08, it talks mostly about the places I’m on my way to visit…..the areas we venture to in our lives…. What it doesn’t’ speak of are the distractions along the way, something else that takes us off the main road. Not detours really as I’m still traveling the same old route, but more of a “rest stop”… Pausing to look at a beautiful tree or to meet a new acquaintance is one thing, but not all rest stops are pleasurable.

It seems there have been a lot of these not so pleasant stops lately…… most being loved ones affected by cancer. I am acquainted with a young mother who at age 34 was diagnosed with colon cancer. Evidence of new cancer cells was found in her liver during the last pet scan so she is undergoing her second round of chemo,  and last week was extremely hard on her.   Another friend who is a cancer survivor, was hit with some very scary new symptoms which brought them much worry and upset for awhile. His turned out ok, but he had to wrestle once again with the old fears that surfaced.   Another one who has been in remission for 3 years is suffering some very painful symptoms and is scheduled for an MRI tomorrow.   My prayers are with him.   And two others from the cancer website I belong to passed on, this was after a year where we lost 3 others in our group….. How dare cancer rob us of two more beautiful souls…… It seems to be everywhere you turn, and nearly every family you know is connected with it in some way, shape or form. I’m used to death. At my age one has seen a lot of it, and had to go through losing loved ones many times. And there are much worse things than death. Yet, you can never not be affected by it…..

My health problems that stopped me dead in my tracks at the last pull off from the main road, has been another big issue I’m trying so hard to get past, all the adjustments, changes in lifestyle, the steps I’m trying to take to insure that the rest of the journey goes smoothly, and all the new lessons I’ve learned, not to mention the challenges each of those incur, plus those ahead of me still.

Add in the latest break in the journey, that following a physical today, my hubby has a suspicious spot on his lip and is scheduled for a biopsy with the ENT on the 24th. He assured us that “cancer’s like this” can be easily removed with no problems and they usually never return or cause further problems, so not to worry…… yes I hear that, am I worried anyway? Yes……. even though I know in my heart he will be fine. This wonderful, strong, kind man I married almost 48 years ago will be fine……….My God wouldn’t allow it to be any other way…… How long will it take us to get back on the road after this one?  Can this opponent be pinned easily?

The weather station is telling us there is another winter storm on the way……wind and snow tonight…… Should I hold up for awhile before starting on down the road or keep going?….. My thoughts return to a friend who has reminded me many times, “ forward…..always forward".

I guess we’ll just forge on…… The vines are thick in this area,, we have a lot of supplies on hand in the form of medical support and many other resources in case we need to use them……

Be assured that “tarzan” is taking a stance…….quite prepared to wrestle if necessary, but in the meantime, I’m still going to stop and dance every chance I get……  it's all in the moves you make, right?    I'll keep ya posted.........

the REAL rehab

Monday.......ok, I fully admit I did not want to go, I did not want to be there, and the whole thing while I was there, was just getting thru it...... I really hate having to do this on Monday's. It wouldn't be as bad if it wasn't in the morning, but I am NOT a morning person, never have been  - never will be.   I need my proper waking up time and being ready to leave here at 8:30 a.m. is too early.....grrrrrrr.

ok, so I get there and my blood pressure is 158/over something. The lady says "oh my you are high this morning!" Well, duh, the alarm jerked me out of bed at 6:00, I only came to an hour ago, and it took 3 cups of coffee to get me this far, what do you expect!!@$!@#

I spent 10 minutes on the "nu step", then they put me on an aerodine bike, all I wanted to do was hurry up and get it done and get off of it.   I had been on that about 8 minutes, when they took the blood pressure again and it was 190/87

They made me stop and go take a couple of slow, pokey laps around a short track and set quiet for a couple of minutes, then took it again and it had came down to 158/67

After it came down again they let me get on the rowing machine if I promised to keep it slow, which I did, then we did some arm weights & stretches, and when I checked out to go home the blood pressure was 148/60.

I get on those machines and just get going too fast and they have to keep lecturing me about it. They put limits on me today and gave me numbers that show on the machines, (how fast I'm going) that I am not to go over! - and they said they would be watching me closely.   The head trainer said she doesn't think my blood pressure medication is at the right levels yet and she was going to call my dr. and tell him about all of this..... I don't know if she did or not, but I go in to see him on the 18th and I think they send a report in before I go, so he'll know anyway.

I AM going to learn to pace myself - I swear I am, it just doesn't seem like I'm doing anything for my heart when I'm just poking along, if I'm not panting and sweating.... She swears that it is.

Actually, I think it's all because it's Monday 

Monday's used to be my "un-day"

Now I have to join the world on Mondays.

Guess I need to change my "un-day" to Tuesday.....

After I'd been home about an hour I went out and walked again and I'm now up to 3,000 steps.....to do what I should, I need to go another 5 times around the house and put another thousand on...... I will do that now..... And besides that I'm not skinny yet.  grump, grump.

Stress and What Do About It~~~

I’m going to forego all of the usual suggestions such as reading a book, listening to music, taking a deep breath, meditation, etc. Though everyone is different, those suggestions just never worked for me. All I can think about during meditation is that I’m wasting time when I should be doing something…. It’s a great idea if it works for you, but I’ve discovered and want to share some less talked about ideas. I do hope you will all post some of your tricks in the comments, or send them to me in an email and maybe we can come up with some things we haven’t tried before…..

I have found that during the normal run of the day – I have a tv or radio running in the background of my life. The other day I “stopped to listen” and realized that what I was hearing was just noise! I then walked in the living room and turned the tv off and vowed not to turn it on again the rest of the day. If you’ve never tried QUIET before you should give it a chance. We are often unaware of the noises around us, traffic, people talking, electronics, phones, you name it – the world is a noisy place. Those of you who work at jobs are especially vulnerable, …..office machines, co-workers, constant phones, or if it’s a labor job they can be worse yet with equipment clanging and banging on a constant basis. Being retired, I don’t have to put up with work noise any longer, but even home can become a “happening place” with appliances, etc….. If you do nothing else during your daytime, where ever it is, allow yourself some quiet time with absolutely no noise whatsoever. Ten minutes is great – an hour is wonderful – and at least a half day would be awesome. Go ahead and go about your activities, but try it without other noises and see the difference, it can actually increase your efficiency. You don’t have to go hide in the closet, just cut the noise around you and see what a difference it can make.

I have an aunt in a different state, who is a “Master Gardener”, she sent me the following, from her monthly newspaper article…..

The Spiritual Garden

We live in a fast pace society with little time and often no place to relax. With that thought in mind, one of the most recent trends in landscaping is the creation of your own spiritual garden. It may sound complicated but really does not require a lot of work. It is simply a place you design, create and landscape that will provide a retreat in your yard where you can have some privacy, a place to think, read, meditate, pray, or do nothing. It can be as elaborate as you want to make it or as simple as a bench under a favorite tree with some colorful containers nearby. Many people like to add a fountain or small water feature. Other suggestions might include tall grasses or low shrubs for screening, some paving or a small arbor. Your imagination and the sky is the limit so with spring fast approaching now is a good time to start a plan for your own spiritual retreat. You will never regret your hide away.

I do have a landscaped yard where I can go in the summer and it does provide a sanctuary for me…..however; the weather does not always cooperate when I need to go there, so this is weather freindly cure at best. The added benefit is the exercise you’ll get with building it and caring for it.

Walking, or other exercise…… I know, I know you’ve heard this before, but it’s now been proven to me that it works. (do any of you have to have things proven to you? ok, I’m stubborn, see tarzan blush), but it really does work! If you don’t believe me, try it! Exercise releases certain chemicals in your body that does reduce stress…..I don’t know how it works, it just does.

Now if any of the rest of you have any ideas out of the ordinary, please share them…… But first – don’t forget – learn to recognize when the stress is there! I still maintain that is the key, stressed….not stressed……stressed…..not stressed……stressed…..not stressed…….stressed?

Learn to know the difference.  Learn to recognize it when it happens.   

The Floodgates

Who opened the flood gates?......Even I am surprised at all of the words coming out of me, but that’s ok. I need to write and that’s what this blog is for.

The scariest time of my heart attack was when I was released from the hospital and started my journey back to regain my health. It didn’t take long to realize that due to the severity of my illness, being kept unconscious for 4 days, and the drugs I had been given, my thought processes had suffered. I simply could not get my mind into gear in order to think. I grabbed my computer and begin to type, and the words that came out were not of my choosing. I was mixed up on many levels. It was almost like someone else had taken over my body and everything was now happening in slow motion.

I might have thought I was competent, but I look back now and see that I wasn’t. When I wrote “hello world”, I was only at the very beginning of my recuperation. I have learned so much more since then.

As you may be able to tell, I feel like I am now honestly coming out of my “fog”. I am beginning to trust myself again as far as what I say and do. I really have been gaining strength on a daily basis, though I now know and accept that I still have a ways to go.

At one point I said that I didin’t want to make this all about my health because there is “so much more” in life, but I’m learning that I have the need to talk about it…so you'll just have to bear with me for awhile, I can not deny it any longer. Yes the floodgates have opened and thank goodness the muddy waters are finding a way out……

Let's Talk Stress~~~

Many things can contribute to stress in our daily lives…..unexpected company showing up at dinner time comes to mind, work, a cranky spouse, an emergency of any kind, a health matter, several things happening at once such as the phone ringing at the same time you hear the doorbell while you’re in the middle of putting together a new recipe, interactions with others, a looming appointment, family problems, etc…   We all have our own levels at which the stress becomes intolerable to us or reaches a point that it’s doing harm to our physical well being.  In this crazy, wild, fast world we live in today, stress is almost second nature to everyone.

Stuff happens…….Usually we have no control over what causes stress, but we do have some control over how much we let it run rampant. Most people with health problems of any kind live with constant stress. It’s a vicious circle, the illness causes stress, the stress causes illness. It’s a hard battle to rise above, let alone win.

The following paragraph is taken from a paper released for publication by the Mayo clinic staff……..When one is stressed a physical response occurs automatically. Your pituitary gland begins to release it’s adrenocorticotropic hormone (ATCH), which signals other glands to produce additional hormones. When the pituitary sends out a burst of ACTH, it’s like an alarm system going off deep in your brain. This alarm tells your adrenal glands, to release a flood of stress hormones into your bloodstream. These hormones including cortisol and adrenaline - focus your concentration, speed your reaction time and increase your strength and agility. When you begin to de-stress, the levels of cortisol and adrenaline in your bloodstream decline. As a result, your heart rate and blood pressure return to normal and your digestion and metabolism resume a regular pace. But, if stressful situations pile up one after another, your body has no chance to recover. This long- term activation of the stress response system can disrupt almost all of your body’s processes, increasing your risk of all sorts of health problems. Stress develops when the demands in your life exceed your ability to cope with them.

As with most older people, I’ve had my share of stress through my life and at age 65 I’m just learning to recognize it. I believe that before you can control stress you must first learn to identify when it rears it’s ugly head.

Some physical signs of stress are headaches, muscle aches, oversleeping or insomnia, bowel changes, rashes, stiffened muscles, higher heart rate or pounding heart, tiredness, overindulgence, angry outbursts, feelings of being overwhelmed…..

Learn to recognize when you are stressed and only then can you begin to learn what to do to control it. Often times stress underlies what we “worry warts” consider normal. It’s like we’re riding a constant high and we don’t even realize what we’re doing to ourselves. 

All this to say that this morning I got online and made an effort to locate others like myself who have cancer, are on watch and wait, with back problems, and had a heart attack…. I’m afraid I didn’t have a lot of luck.   I hope that wanting to discuss having these ailments does not make me seem “self serving” or make it sound like I’m looking for sympathy. That is not my purpose at all. I know there are many other’s who have it much worse. There are a lot of positive things about my condition and I very much appreciate those. For instance, because of my type of cancer I have not had to have treatment of any kind. I am so fortunate in that regard. I have very few symptoms, and am living with it quite well. The heart problem has been fixed. I choose not to dwell on what might have happened, but rather that it did happen and I lived through it, and it’s up to me to get past it. There is hope for my back problem, when able, we’re hoping a minor surgery can relieve the pain. 

It’s just that I want to learn how other’s cope with having various problems at the same time. It is multi tasking at it’s best, both physically and mentally.

Stress has been said to be the “silent killer” . I’m not ashamed to admit that I have yet to figure out a sure fire way to control stress and just hope to find others who are dealing with the same type of challenges, and what kinds of tricks they have to cope.

I am known to a particular circle of acquaintances, including this connection, as “tarzan”. As explained in my profile, I embrace that image because I choose look for and give credit to the many vines available to me as I swing through life. However; one friend calls me “turtle woman” in order to remind me not to swing through too fast…. It does strike a chord in me to “look before I leap”, and give thought to what I am doing before I do it. To take things as they come and stop trying to outrun life in general.

In the introduction of “The Way to Rainy Mountain" by N Scott Momaday …he wrote: ”Tortoises crawl about on red earth going nowhere in plenty of time.” Very wise words to remember for someone who is always in a hurry, but that does not change my desire to be alert for any vine available when I need it, nor does it change the outcome of the race between the tortoise and the hare…   There is much to ponder and learn in Mr. Momaday's statement.

Putting yourself “in the moment” does help, both in realizing that you are stressed, and it gives you an opportunity to do something about it. Several times a day, stop, take time to think about what you’re doing, where you are, what is going on around you, and how you’re feeling. Make it a habit. Once you realize when you are stressed, there are ways to turn it around. There will be so much more on that to follow…………