Three New Families

top left: The birch tree in the south yard holds a dove’s nest, she was setting very still as I got close enough to snap her picture, you can just see her eye looking at me.

top right: The oak tree in the west yard holds a robin’s nest. Try as I may, I could not get a shot of her facing me, so what you see is her tail.

Under our south porch is a barn swallow’s nest. This is taken from inside the house just as Mom brought supper.

Just plain old "yard birds", nothing special or beautiful, but we get so much enjoyment out of watching them from birth to adulthood.....

Though the doves have been coming to our yard to get drinks for a couple of years, this is the first year they have built their nest within the boundary of the fence where we can watch their progress, so it will be interesting. Their nest is right outside the living room windows. From what I can tell so far, they are taking turns setting on the nest.

Mama Robin sets on the nest most all of the time while Dad brings her food. Their babies have not hatched yet. Just as I walked away from taking her picture on the nest, here came papa with supper, he's holding a worm in his mouth.

June10th the swallows hatched. Mom & Dad are currently flying in and out on a frenzied feeding schedule. This will be the third year the swallows have came back to the same location to build a nest. They are a delightful family of birds to watch grow and leave the nest for flight training. the one day old baby swallows are doing fine, we think are 3 in the nest but we’re not sure yet. Mom and Dad will swoop and try to dive bomb us when we go outside close to the porch.

I’ll be keeping you updated on their progress……

I'll Try Anything.....

Since the heart doctors have told me I cannot have surgery on my back to correct the bad discs and pinched nerves, I had to do something to try and give me some relief from the pain so I can exercise to strengthen my heart.

I came across a chiropractor who has one of these DRX9000 machines, and I had a consultation with him today. The concept is that the machine gradually stretches you, easing the disc apart, while it releases the affected nerve and at the same time brings healing oxygen into the disc space which will encourage the return of the disc padding or gel like substance that gives the disc cushion…..

Whether it really works or not, or whether it will work on me, I have no idea, but I’ll try anything to lessen this pain I live with every day. I have personally visited with a couple of people who swear they have been helped by it. The outcome of my trials remains to be seen.

It has gotten to the place where I can hardly walk at all, so if it provides any improvement, no matter how small, it will be a blessing.

The dr. has to go over several of my MRI’s, CT’s & X-rays, and then he will set up the program. It will consist of a series of treatments 4 days per week, for 5 weeks…..or if I can tolerate it, we may try 5 days a week. I would like to finish before we go on vacation about the 12^th of July. He will have the pictures in his office tomorrow, then we’ll set an appointment to get started.

I have not been able to resume any type of exercise to strengthen my heart because of my back, and since I am on blood thinners and other medicines for my heart any invasive surgery is impossible….. so if nothing else I hope it will at least make life bearable until I am able to have surgery.

Finally reaching the point where I feel like fighting again, I am willing to do whatever it takes…..there is always so much more, even when you think you’ve reached the end of the road……you just have to keep searching and experimenting. I’ll keep ya posted on how it goes.

I marvel every year just before my peony bush bursts into bloom. The dark green leaves filled with long stems topped with buds resembling tiny pink and white lollipops… Every year I wonder how long it will take them to open into the beautiful large flowers I know are eventually coming. I check them every day at this stage of their lives waiting with great anticipation for

them to reach their peak, the ultimate of beauty.

The buds grow larger every day, but it’s hard to imagine what they may become and how anything so tightly knotted up could possibly become something so large……

And then, just when I almost give up on ever seeing an actual bloom, the tiny ants and black flies appear…. The bush becomes totally covered with little black spots moving and working, working ever so digilently, hour after hour and day after day. And then finally, the outer green leaf coverings of the bud, begin to peel back allowing the bloom to spread it’s petals into a

beautiful flower…….a vision to behold

And then their job being finished, the ants and flies disappear for another year.

Year after year, it’s proven to me, the flowers cannot open on their own. The renewal of life is a wonder to cherish, but it takes more than just the urge to want to live…..

It takes work……from ourselves and others. The types and tools of work vary from species to species, job to job, but in whatever form, it’s necessary. I’ve yet to see an accomplishment of any kind that was produced on it’s own.

Give thought today to the various elements and how many other individuals it takes for you to live your life, and give them thanks. The ants and little black flies are there for a purpose, and so are those who surround you. What have you done today to help open another flower?

Now who the hell really cares?

My world is expanding, but how necessary and important that is, depends on whether or not you really care. Thanks to my curiosity, and my love of the written word, and the fact that my handwriting is horrible and I hate doing snail mail, and I forever lose pens,...... I do e-mails on a regular basis with several friends and relatives. I belong to two forums, one heart attack related and one cancer related. Wait – make that 3 forums because I recently joined one to chat with others about the NBA playoffs. I now do my blog “so much more”, and I just joined “twitter”. Oh yes, I almost forgot, I also belong to the “caring bridge” sites where several post updates about serious illnesses. At the moment I am tracking two acquaintances on their sites.

I love e-mail – it is the best tool ever delivered for staying in touch with those you care about. Of course my complaint with it is that those who do not love to write end up using it to forward stuff….. Therefore, I get dozens of forwards every day about any number of subjects . Instead of writing me their news, they send me an unbelievable picture of a snake swallowing a man or other subjects too numerous to mention here...... OR, they call, me, and I hate to talk on the phone! Just learn to write, would you please? It’s right there at your fingertips and it’s free! What more could you ask for!

My blog…..this blog……I love it! I love it because it’s mine. If I’m in the mood to take a stab at poetry I can and no one cares if it’s good or not. If I’m in the mood to be philosophical that’s ok too, I can babble on about any subject in the world I choose to and people can take me seriously or not. If I want to tell an old story I can without having to watch your boredom. I don’t have to be a professional photographer to share my pictures, and if you are so inclined to comment on something I do write or show, then you’ve made my day. I can empty my emotions, or otherwise dump on you and make myself feel better, I can whine and complain and if you don’t want to read about it you don’t have to, I can be totally stupid and you can relate to me or not. Or I can share a laugh or a hug and help make your day. Or, I can write nothing at all for no reason and no explanation to anyone.

The forum’s….. In the beginning when I was first diagnosed with cancer and scared to death, the lymphoma cancer forum was a Godsend. I learned a lot about the disease, I received the reassurance I needed, I made cyber friends with similar problems, and it was wonderful. Then I discovered that it was taking my life over…..literally! For receiving the support I had needed, I felt I needed to give back, so every other hundred or so people who joined that particular board, I tried to support in return…. That led to hours and hours of my trying to give comfort to a lot of people with a lot of serious issues, to the point that I found myself grieving for them every day. I could not let that continue and save my sanity….. it was just too much. Yes, a person can care too much. I visit infrequently now but still stay in touch with 4 or 5 who mean a lot to me.

I am relatively new to another forum that is all about women with heart problems. It is useful to me for now and has enlightened me to the fact that there are many women in the world just like myself who deal with more than one health issue in their life. In fact, I was surprised to learn how many! The heart forum does not seem to be as personal as the other one, the drama is less and the gals do not seem to be so chit-chatty. So far I am enjoying it and it has not required much of my time or me. We'll see how it goes.

When I get a notification that there has been a new post on one of the caring bridge sites, I do log in and try to post a reply….It is difficult to feel their pain especially when it involves a child, but I try to offer encouragement as I can.

And then,...... I heard about twitter and my curiosity got the best of me. I’m not sure I understand it yet, or what makes it any different than a regular “instant message” site…. (If any of you can clarify that for me, I would appreciate it). A great thing did happen, since I joined, a long lost relative contacted me, so it’s been wonderful for us to catch up with each other’s lives….. However: You only get to write 140 characters in one tweet…… 140 letters and spaces and punctuation marks is hardly enough to tell anyone I’m alive….but then I’m sort of mouthy and alive does not necessarily mean alive and well…… Did I tell her I went to the grocery store yesterday? Do you think she really cares? She's a sweetheart, but I really didn’t think so.

After she and I made our initial contact and proceeded to visit for a few days, I started checking out other twitter sites….like Oprah for instance. I checked it this morning and there was a tweet that she was going to some play, then another tweet saying how much she liked it! Keeping in touch is one thing, but tracking each other’s movements 24/7 with dozens of other people? Somehow that does not seem healthy to me, not does it serve to accomplish anything. I am very confused over this whole, daily, worldwide conversation that everyone seems to be having with each other. Who the hell really cares if Oprah goes to a Broadway play or not….that’s really not a part of my world. Or, did you know that Ashton Kutcher, (whoever he is) has a kazillion and some followers? Oprah and Ashton will be taken off of my “follow list”, do ya think they’ll miss me? Ha! On twitter, there is the standard question of “what are you doing”? I actually got caught up in this enough that I jumped right on there and said that I was sitting in my living room having coffee…… Such a profound statement!......not.

There are those, myself included, who probably shouldn’t bother answering that question.

The Internet has been wonderful for me, and I assume for a lot of others. It is an important and useful aspect of our lives and a stationary item in most homes. I love being able to find the answer to a question immediately, I love being able to keep up with world news at the touch of a key, I love knowing that those I care for are ok and living their life and their dream, but hearing that you just pulled a tick off your dog Oprah?...... please spare me. One friend of mine confessed that she liked “facebook” better than twitter….. Now I have not tried facebook yet, but how many ways of talking and writing does one girl need? As wonderful as it probably is, I think I’ll skip that one. To each his own, ya know?

Here’s raising my glass to communication, but spare me the details ok? I’m too busy trying to figure out how to block the idiot who tweeted to me on my twitter that he has the answer to all my financial problems and all I have to do is send him one thousand dollars and he’ll be sure to tell me how.

Oh, did I tell ya?.........I love my blog, there is so much more to come, and I promise I won't try to sell ya nothin.........

From My Garden to You

The flowers have been beautiful this spring even though they are late blooming. The vibrant pink peony's are as big as dinner plates, and the colors of the roses brightens the whole yard. I hope you will enjoy them with me.........

Our Hideaway

After my grumpy post on it being spring again, I figured I had better let you know that so far it's going not half bad.  Luckily we have had a long spring, several rainy days, no sweltering heat to make life miserable, and thanks to hubby's help, the weeds have not overtaken me yet!   Today I am sharing some pictures of our yard....   It is our private little haven, built just for the purpose of having a place to hide from the rest of the world.   I have to tell you that we did all of the work ourselves. The ponds and creek were dug by hubby with a little back hoe,  following my design laid out with a garden hose, the kids and grandkids helped us line the ponds and creek with the proper materials, the large rocks were purchased from a  quarry and moved into place with a crane, and every other rock was moved into place by hand from those I had collected over the years.  And I wonder why my back aches?   After turning the pumps on about 4 years ago we have not shut them off other than for cleaning and maintenance.  They do run all winter and are beautiful as ice forms around the water falls.   I want you to know you're all invited to come over for a cold lemonade on the patio or to just set on the bench and meditate....   There really is so much more than meets the eye......  You see the fence?  I was the hod carrier......over 150 feet of one block on top of the other one 6 ft high.  (some day I'll tell ya about that).

Return to Me

Where did she go …….that one that used to be me.  

The girl with no fears

The curious, fun one who touched everything.

The healthy, strong one with energy.

Where did she go…….that one they called sunshine

The one who always had a smile

The one who loved to be with others

The one who never rushed time.

Where did she go…….

 >>>>><<<<<

It’s about time I updated this blog don’t ya think?   I have learned that even a major illness cannot stop the automated response to life, doing what is expected of you, doing the things that come natural to your being., and doing what seems normal in order to be you.   Others expect it of me, and I expect it of myself……..   The largest part of life, that of learning to be me all over again.  I think one begins by doing what one has always done.

April and early May brought the realization that I would be hosting a big party to celebrate my two granddaughter’s high school graduations, just like I did two years ago for my other graduate grandkids.   There were so many details to take care of, I knew I had to get started soon.   Being able to think straight, finding the energy, having the enthusiasm to make it perfect.   None of them easy to come by, but something told me I must.

 

And I did it……a successful open house with decorations, the right food, special touches, our yard and home full of happy people wanting to celebrate a phase of life with a day of joy.   Those joys made possible by my efforts, and my love of entertaining.   Instincts led me through it.  At any cost……. I did it and I loved it and I got through it and I completed the expectations of myself and if only for a day, I was normal once again.   Now it is June and I am ready to start searching for other ways to be me.  There is so much more and so many more ways.......