The Search

Of everything
There is so much more than a name
There is so much more than an age
There is so much more than what you see
There is so much more beyond me


Friday, January 13, 2012

and now.......

So that's in a nutshell..... :) well, to now anyway. We've had some wonderful trips in our camper, seen many places with friends with friends and family and experienced untold wonders... All the time the kiids have been running the company..... They were finally able to get our "API" certification thru a lot of hard work..... We now run two shifts and the business is a success. How long it lasts no one knows, but we did finally reach that goal and if we fail it's our own fault. The kids have their fights, we have problems, but they always seem to work it out for the best. They are three of the best managers anyone could ask for and we are blessed that they care for it like they do. Our son Joe is in charge of design and maintentainance of all small tools, our son in law Dale is in charge of all large drilling equipment, and our daughter Jane is in charge of the office keeping both of them on their toes.... they make quite a team and no one could ask for a better one.....


This past 2011 has been quite a year for us. We started out with the kids wanting to plan a 50th wedding anniversary party for us, which they did at the Westin Hotel in Denver where over 100 friends and family attended at 3 day affair...... Then Jim and I deccided we wanted to get away just by ourselves so we scheduled a cruise to Hawaii and the south pacific islands. Driving to San Diego, we drove home thru Vegas and acted like kids as we played the slots, ate fabulous foods and lived it high on the hog........ We finally reached home in mid April.


I had previously scheduled a check up with our doctor before we left so that was on the slate when we returned home. Mine was to check and make sure I had good circilulation in my leg.
That was on April 25th. On April 29th the doctor called to say they had discovered a mass on my right lung and it needed to be bioposed. I was turned back over to my oncologist..... Immediately he took the biospy which for one thing caused the right lung to collaspe. We waited for a week and it inflated itself...... The biopsy did show "non small cell lung cancer" However; It also showed some lymphoma in the mediastinum area, the chest cavity. The plan of action was to take the mass in the right lung out so I was scheduled for surgery...... Here was this party looming in the distance, so it was agreed that the kids and we keep this between ourselves because we didn't want the cancer to over take the celebration for what it was, a beautiful tribute to our 50 years together..... therefor no one was told. The party was scheduled and went over smoothly and my surgery was scheduled for the next day.


As soon as I got in the prep room I noticed my oncologist and the surgeon were both there.... which was a bit unusual. Eventually the oncologist came to me and explained that after double checking the scans, they discovered that the cancer had mastastisized..... and jumped to my T-9 on the spine, and also one on the pelvis. They decided to cancel the surgery...... They did install an access port in my chest for preparaton of chemotherapy. Chemo would start on June 29th......


I begin on that date, and one day later Jim walked in the house from visiting the shop that morning and said he wasn't feeling right - he was very pale, had a fast heart rate and said he thought he needed to go to the hospital..... I made him dial the doctor, they told him to get right over there...... our son drove him, our kids would not let me go. After 3 days they determined they should go in and do an angioplasty and see what was going on..... come to find out his heart is "left dominate" and right where the arteries cross, he was plugged up. They had to put in and realease two stents at the same time. His arteries kept shooting out blood clots and it got pretty scary for a time...... Finally they accepted them, they got the stents in and all turned out ok...... He was in surgery for 3 hours and it was touch and go for a time. After a couple of days to recuperate, he started feeling better and by the time he got to come home he was like a new person.


In the meanwhile..... I had had my first session of chemo....... "Taxol & Carboplatin" it was about as strong a round as they could give me in that field of chemo's..... I was to have one, every 21 days..... I had three rounds, and then met with the oncologist again. I was scanned and he informed me that they did not work. There was new growth in the mass and it didn't stop it like it should have. Next plan was to start me on "Alimpta" Another round of chemo that worked in a different way...... every 21 days just like the last one..... Another hard 21 days of sickness, never feeling good, with nausea, bone pain, muscle aches, you name it. At the end, I was scanned again with the same results - it was not working..... more growth..... Neither chemo had worked on me.


The next step was for radiation..... They started on November 17th. It was not too bad at first but as the radiaton built up in my system it begin to do it's job...... every day they hit me hard in the main mass, then swung the machine around where it hit both the spine & the mediastinum,, then another hit on the pelvis..... At times they would give me a booster in the main mass...... I was getting a LOT of radiation.... This went on until Dec. 22nd...... every day without let up.


In the meantime I had a growth appear in the soft tissue on the back of my arm, determined to be cancer...... The oncologist decided then to not try to radiate it...... he said I had had enough and wants to give me a break. That is what I'm on now. He said I've had enough and all he wants me to do is rest and let my body rebuild.


A week ago last Friday, a "friend'" brought over a batch of cookied full of walnuts...... the nuts were ground so finely I did not know they were in there and I continuously ate them, they were so good! I begin to get sicker and sicker not knowing why, and then relized I had been poisoning my system with those nuts for over a week....... I became terribly sick and started going down hill quickly. I was unable to cope..... could not breathe right, bled from the mouth profusely, and was not a pretty sight with my face being swollen three times it's size......


Finally nearly a week later I begin to come around as time passed and the nuts got out of my system...... I am not beginning to get back to normal.


I am just beginning to come back around.........


I've been putting some things in order, I got some old letters sent to cousins I wantd them to have........ I have written my obituary...... I have chosen some favorite songs for my service, and just a few little things I thought would help the kids out........


I fully expect to keep writing...... I'm not ready to lay down and give up yet....... I think I will go on for a while........ Whatever the good Lord decides, I will be there to follow his orders....


I will try to keep you posted for as long as I can....... There is so much more I want to tell you.............there is so much more to say and do....... there is so much more of me to share with you............



2 comments:

Four peas in a pod said...

RIP Mary, you will be missed. What spirit you had......... I'd like to think it carries on in each person you have touched.

Nina P. said...

sending you Healing, Love and Light to an amazing soul.
Blessings, Nina P