Finally Found

Being “lost” is not a fun thing…… It usually creates a sense of panic, and there is an underlying fear that fills every fiber of your being, of ever being able to find your way again. Regardless of which way you turn or what choices you make, you are still left with unfamiliar territory around you. Easily you can forget where your starting point was.

I have been giving a lot of thought recently to what this past few years has been like……. One day I was a healthy, happy, carefree 62 year old person, looking forward to retirement, and the next day I’m not sure what is happening or where I am on my life’s journey or what’s going to happen to me.

That was 4 years ago……48 months of existing but not really living……over 1,400 days of facing one health issue after another… fear springing up on a constant basis to set me back again, obstacle after obstacle that turned me in a different direction, challenges that threatened to stop me completely. Choices that tricked me into taking the wrong turns, underbrush to hide traps and snares, days running into days and nights running into nights with no breaks.

wandering…..worrying….wondering…..waiting…..weakening…... whining…..wearing… wishing…… and woefully willful…..

I say woefully because determination and the will for finding your way is not easy. It would have been so much easier, and maybe better for some had I just been satisfied to stay lost.

After that much time, one forgets who they really are beneath all those problems. What was I like when I was healthy? I can hardly remember! Will I ever be able to find my way again? Where did that person go? Where does she belong and what is her purpose?

The uneasiness and will to continue to search until you can find the right trail to take you home affects a lot of people. Those you call on for help and support and those who are waiting on you and those who are looking for you or helping you look for yourself.

Finally finding the correct trail brings you to yet another beginning.

That is where I honestly feel like I am right now…… After years of fighting the jungle around me, I’ve finally located the trail, I’m back on track now and on my way back home……

My checkup with the heart doctor resulted in a feeling I haven’t experienced in a very long time…… It was the last of my scheduled medical appointments and misery, after 4 long years of looking for a way out. It was the final step in my quest to locate the real her……the person I used to be……

The doctor brought up all of my old records to compare my blood levels over the past 17 months. I do not have the exact numbers in front of me but my triglycerides that were over 500 are now in the very low/normal range. My HDL or bad cholesterol which was almost off the chart are now actually lower than he wants, and my good cholesterol which was next to nothing is now higher than he wants….actually above the normal range…..blood pressure was 138 over 70 and everything else looked good and sounded good. He decreased one of my medications from 1500 mgs to 500 mgs. And he cut another medication dosage in half. He was a very happy doctor and I was a very happy patient. I am to have another blood test and see him again in October, then if everything is still good I won’t have to see him again for a year…..!!!!! YEA!!!!!

As I left his office with a spring in my step, I walked out, looked up to the heavens and said “thank you God”. I looked down and there was the path home stretching out before me. My cancer checkup was good, my back is much better, my spots are almost gone, and my heart is beating with a smile…… I suddenly felt the power today to take control again and had a renewal of what life could be like. There really IS "So Much More".

I can honestly relate to those who have been held captive in foreign prisons, finally being released to freedom. It might be a “while” before I’m completely home again, before I find her heart and soul and energy and self worth that she held so dear 4 years ago, but at least I know she’s on track, I’ve found the right trail, there is no doubt about it, and I’m on my way…….

Just because I’ve finished with all the doctors appointments, surgeries, treatments, and procedures, this isn’t the end……. It’s actually the beginning to the end…… I will maintain the trail ahead and behind me now….. now that I know what I’m looking for and which path to follow…I know I will find her again.

Here’s to getting back on track, taking the right trails, marking where you’ve been and knowing where you’re going……and here’s to good health!