Still there

Where is it?
The cancer…..
15 months ago
It came into me
It took over my every moment
Bringing illness, and fear
Prevalent in my daily thoughts
Ruling my existence

Then a new visitor arrived
Suddenly flooding my life
The cancer did not go away
It’s only hiding
Dormant now
Silently lurking
less important somehow
Behind my heart

Before them, pain
Crippling pain
Accompanying my walk
Sometimes debilitating
Quieting the music
And stopping my dance
Replacing it with screaming throbs

Cancer, you’ve taken a back seat now
I want to push you out the door
And I know you won’t go
Not on your own
And I am too weak to fight you
For now
But only for now

-----The day will come

Listen

And it just is…….
Life with all of it’s happenings
Surviving
The sorrows
Relishing
The joys
Riding the waves
Hearing the noise

Listen, it’s life!
Dare to embrace
And hold closely
The sounds
of laughter
and tears
The uncertainties
Keeping poise through fear

Each moment a note
Worth playing
Or singing
Mixed melodies
Sounds of learning
In a different key
Amplified together
so others can hear your symphony

And it just is……..

The music of life

Listen
Can you hear it…….

The Stalker's

I never know just where they are…..
or which one is is more powerful
to spread it’s darkness upon me
the silent walker’s, ever present as my shadow

When I turn or hide they follow
Especially in the light, but also obscured
My empty effort to hide from the ominous
My companions, my stalkers

Different in their tormenting ways
As I turn quickly to face one
The others manage to escape
Hiding yet lurking in the depths of days

Waiting, just waiting to strike
When I least expect them
Which affliction will show it’s face
And which one do I challenge the race

My People

My people
here with me.
I am defined
from generations past
and those of this moment.
Always there, always here
Always within.
They guide me they walk beside me
they follow me.

My past so clear
in pastures that reach to sunset
Gathering and candling eggs
In coops of life
Pioneers who forged the way
In huts of blood and prairies of toil.
Drilling rigs lighting days and nights
Digging thru sweat and pain
Pump jacks and well heads
Producing true and unseen energy.
My people, hard and tough
vulnerable and beautiful
Flowers, grease, laughter and tears
at my Mother & Dad’s side
Learning and growing from their survival
of the past.

Nature and pets of special creatures
all of God’s creations
that were a part of my
learning to love and care for.
Who taught me things
No human could.
Unconditional love
in it’s truest form
Strength in trees and rocks
A solid example of non penetration

Small creeks and oceans beyond
Beside me always.

I would be incomplete without

them.
An important part of
My people.

The present is harder to see
Those now beside, above and beneath me
because I forget to look and I take for granted.
My love, my other me, my connected soul.
Our daily interactions of simple knowing.
Our children, our years together
And our growing up together.
Joy, respect and all things good
and bad, that binds a lifetime.
My children teaching me now.
Who forgive my mistakes
and love me anyway.
Who now walk in front of me.
Grandchildren who carry the seeds
My chance to teach again
And love again with experience.
To watch love produce tomorrow
They are me, they form my steps
They are my tomorrow.
I forget to say out loud
So the world can hear me
Rejoice today and you.
what the present means to me
within the now.
Never ending love and pride
And total, deep fulfillment
In my heart.

In my people of today.

Friends who have shared
their people with me.
Who walk many of the same paths
Who know what obstacles are, and fun,

and memories of youth and growth.
Who have similar trails
Who in their distance spark
the lighted path we're on.
Who touch with words
of encouragement and support.
Who are sisters and brothers
that hold my hand
In yesterday, today and tomorrow.

And those strangers who walk different paths
Who share their journeys
Through education and research
and hard work that keeps today going

around the world.
They touch many they do not know.
I use their knowledge
I strive to learn from them.
Lessons learned from strangers
But they are still my people.

Ahead
I cannot see
the minutes which continue on.
Each one bringing birth.
Renewal of my efforts to grow
To accept and learn and survive.
I do not fear to look ahead.
What is there, will be what it is
and so much more.
And I will walk through it
with them at my side.
My people
With me…….
The path behind, and ahead
and the steps I take today

My strength is in being
Not alone

Night

Night
Beautiful black
Closing out the world
And the world rejoices
Doors are locked
Bringing peace of the day
And so much more
Time for reflection
And for ending
Time for celebration
And for rest
Time for renewal and respite
And for hope
Night
The time you can see light
Light lives against the backdrop of
Night
Beautiful black
A jewel in it's own right

Perception

Perception - the neurological process of observation and interpretation.

In one instant planes out of nowhere flew into buildings, another crashed to the ground and in total they ended 3,000 lives and destroyed our security. From that day on, we have lived under an umbrella of fear. We even had a color chart to tell us which level of fear we should feel.. We have given over 4,000 of our best and brightest lives because of that fear, so now the total is 7,000 United States lives gone, with untold thousands more affected. We had our dreams shattered, our candles extinguished, our privacy invaded with the implementation of new eavesdropping techniques. We have been reminded over and over again about how “they” could come and get us again. Our economy is in shambles. We have been convinced that we must live in fear.

Perception - the neurological process of observation and interpretation.

We just elected a new President of the United States. He has been president elect for barely five days. He has done nothing, he’s not even legally able to to yet…… Still, the mood of the country changed almost overnight. People are already speaking of hope for the future, I see them with smiles on their faces, they are discussing plans and solutions to problems. They seem to believe in life again and how it can be better. Even the skeptics seem to want to believe. Though nothing has actually changed, and our problems are the same as they were 5 days ago, there is an obvious perception that we just might be alright after all….

Perception - the neurological process of observation and interpretation.


Compare cancer to 9-11 and the fear our country has lived in since. Cancer patients who have been through learning they have cancer, were attacked by an outside invader. We were fine one day, then without a moments notice, the plane flew into the building. The base was destroyed, and our lives changed forever. And then……and then…..treatments, misery, desperation, loneliness, remission, left to fend on their own while rebuilding their lives, the fear and helplessness tried hard to over take them.

Perception - the neurological process of observation and interpretation.

Perception - A cancer patient's tool.
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
- Kathleen Casey Theisen

Determination, acceptance, time, hearing an encouraging word, hard work, more time, a renewal of faith, a particular doctor’s words, testing, more hard work, more time, a faded memory, a smile from a friend, a diminished nightmare, a hug from a family member, tears, a good day, a better day, a step forward, a day without pain, a ray of hope, a brief moment of belief.

Perception - the neurological process of observation and interpretation.

The difference from one day to another, though nothing really changed. More time, another encouraging word, one good day and so much more. We perceive a much better day ahead, and have been given a moment of hope. A realization that we can not constantly live in fear and accomplish anything…. That world without fear….It’s such a nice place to be.

The Baby Sitter's

My parents had to leave town for an emergency, there was an illness in our extended family and they had to go immediately. I guess I was too young to go with them, so at the last minute Mom called some friends to watch after me for a couple of days. The folks I stayed with were very good people. They were kind and loving and I felt safe with them…… however; there was a lot more to the story my parents never knew about.    I don’t think I ever told anyone about my exciting night out. We got home safely, in fact I think I fell asleep in the back seat…..I couldn’t have been very old but I’ll never forget it.

Chicken Fights

A darkened, smoky garage
Partly filled with bleachers
Crowded rows of men & women
watching, betting, drinking, yelling
some staggering, most watching
a circle below them.
Two animals trained to kill
each other, so
Let the games begin.
A kissing breath from man to animal.
In the crowd a little girl,
She watched, and knew it was yet
another part of life she didn’t want
To visit again.
She was sad for the chicken that lost
But she also knew it was a part of the game.