So Much More: #1 of the Matrix

Monday, November 30, 2009

#1 of the Matrix

Coming up with 12 positives about my heart attack is much easier said than done…. I have thought of at least a thousand negatives, but have had to really think and work for the positives…. In no particular order I have started making my list – one being no less important than another one, but just as they have entered my mind…..

#1 of the matrix……. The strength of my family.

I think it’s easy to say that all of this brought forth the knowledge of their absolute love for me, but it’s their strength that brings me to my knees…. From everyone who was directly involved from the beginning of my attack, through the unending actions and words they still give me each day, they have done everything that was needed as it was needed. Their strength through all of this has amazed me. Each and every one of them, from my husband and sister who were there with me at the onset, the encouragements and physical actions of my 3 children, the sons & daughter in-laws, to all 5 of the grandkids…. Without reserve, their strength seen me through it, and continues…..

Knowing without reservation that you can depend on a certain person or persons is one of the greatest feelings of security and love that you can have.

And the wonderment of it all is that they don’t even recognize their heroic actions….. I’ve tried to tell them how much the things they did meant to me, but my words fall short. The greatest blessing is that they were there for each other….. The kids took care of their dad, he made sure they were all ok, the in-laws took care of their spouses and each other, and the grandkids kept the world going for their parents, each other and all of us. If one of them had a weak moment, another one picked up the slack. They handled the logistics of transporting all family members to the hospital, they set with each other, and from what I’ve been told, they cried with each other…. They “carried on” as I would have wanted them to…..

The strength of a matrix has to start with a solid base, and I’m proud to say that I now know just how strong ours is……

1 comment:

Nina said...: Seems we never realize the true strength of our foundation until it's tested. We reap the benefits daily yet don't always appreciate the depth of Love that forms our vary base. What a wonderful founding matrix to start with..... Blessings to you and yours. Love and Light, Nina p; December 6, 2009 at 3:06 PM

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Tarzan?......why tarzan?

As noted in my profile, I was diagnosed with follicular non hodgkins lymphoma on November 30th, 2007. We were on a trip to the grand canyon area when I first became sick and noticed a lump on the side of my neck. Following an exam, many tests, and a surgical biopsy, I learned that for now I have a very slow growing lymphoma and over the years they have learned that immediate treatment will not change the outcome.

This is very different from when my Mother died of it in 1976. At the time hers was discovered in 1971, they saturated her with radiation over a 5 year period of time. Since then they now know that since it is not curable anyway, they would rather keep the patient off of treatment as long as possible. The modern terminology for this is "watch and wait".

At the time I have no further symptoms that I can not live with. I am low on energy, but part of that can be contributed to just age! Though I have some damaged veins in my neck due to the surgery, the nodes in that area come and go and have not caused any concern yet.

Watch and wait is NOT an easy way to live, we know the lymphoma will flare up again some day, so that tends to keep one aware of any changes. Of course I worry and of course I have problems with stress. However; since I look to my oncologist for guidance and rely on his wisdom, I am following his suggestion of pretending to be like Tarzan....... Tarzan in the movies who, while swinging through the jungle, always had a vine to grab as he was going from tree to tree. My oncologist has assured me over and over again that the vine would be there when I need it. As I grab one vine, another will be growing for me as I move through the jungle.

He explained to me that research and improvements in treatments are growing at a rate that is nearly faster than the growth of my cancer.

The message for all FNHL cancer patients, is to become "tarzan" like..... go ahead and climb that tree, stay alert, live life, and when you to need to reach out for that vine it WILL be there! As will the next one, and the next one, and the next one. Go ahead and swing through life and do it with confidence..... As with everything, there is so much more to the story, and so much more to life than cancer.

So Much More

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Monday, November 30, 2009

#1 of the Matrix

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