Sifting through the ashes......

The doctor’s nurse called…… they need a written release from my heart doctor, so I’m working on getting that. Within a two week time frame before surgery, (any time after the 20^th of this month) they need a full blood panel test and a chest x-ray. I’ll be getting those done at the end of this week.. Those results will be faxed to his office.

And on it goes……just basic things that have to be done in order to start rebuilding me…… Feb. 3^rd is still the target date for step number one……

I first met “EP” on a cancer forum over the internet a few years ago when he wrote a poem about “Restoration”….. He had survived a horrendous bout with cancer which almost claimed his life, and was currently in the process of trying to rebuild himself and find a way when our paths crossed……At that point, I too was struggling to come to grips with my cancer diagnosis and I closely related to what he was saying.

I have come to love the word “restoration”…..A beautiful word, simple, but one which holds so much meaning. It allows me to envision the process I am going through, and I will forever be indebted to him, both for his tenacity in reconstruction, his showing me the true meaning of that word, and for his talent in writing.

No less than Phoenix rising from the ashes, we are rebuilding our bodies and lives, but it must be done layer by layer, starting with sifting through the ashes, examining each tiny fleck of dust or cell that caused us to crumble in the first place…

At that time, I was still able to walk and sure that I could find a way to deal with my back problems while also learning to deal with my cancer, only I found that my cancer was over shadowing everything else in my life….. Not the pain so much, but the importance of the pain. Therefore, I had a lot of “head restoration” to go thru before I could even begin to start on my “physical restoration”.

The head work is ongoing….. Just when I think I have one thing figured out, up pop’s another one with a new challenge…. And it continues, and that is a good thing. During the year following my cancer diagnosis I did a lot of thinking about my own mortality, and my strengths, and I believe that prepared me for successfully dealing with the heart attack…..

Now it’s almost like starting at the bottom again… a return to the back and leg problems, getting those repaired as best I can which will enable me to continue the rest of the restoration process. Once the back/legs are rebuilt, then I can go on to the next project….more ashes to sift through.

Restoration in any form is not easy, but as with any project starting with a strong basic foundation is imperative. Starting at the bottom......

preparing my mind done and crossed off the list,

diagnosis and MRI done and crossed off the list,

A plan with the doctor done and crossed off the list,

A date set done and crossed off the list,

registration for the hospital done and crossed off the list,

visiting with the doctor’s nurse concerning time lines done and crossed off the list,

the right attitude done and crossed off the list,

the blood work, and the x-rays, done and crossed off the list

the preparations to go out of state, and the trip

still needing work, but the diagrams and orders are in front of me…..

Ashes upon ashes and soon I will be rising….. layer by layer, the process of restoration, until I am whole again…