The Base

In our attempt to reach out
to search for more
we grasp tightly behind us.
so as not to fall.
For that is what we are
The platform from which we grew
Thorns of fear, and weakened spots
but solid and strong by necessity
offering a molded base
from which to renew.


Once again last night as I lay to sleep, my mind drifted back as it has a thousand times to my childhood. How the “me” that I am, was formed and where I had been.

A little 8 year old black haired girl in pigtails tormented by a teacher, unaware that there were bad people in her little world. People of trust who could not be trusted. Her attempts to escape her captor.

Her fear over and over when she was caught…..in a darkened room.
Her knowing wrong but unable to do anything about it.
Her instinct of knowing but not fully knowing how to cope.

When the fear finally overtook her whole life, she finally told, and Daddy went for the gun. She hoped Daddy would kill him, but a neighbor stopped him and the teacher was exposed instead, and then the teacher left her world and nothing more was said or done. The little black haired girl in pigtails learned early lessons she carried with her throughout further growth.

She learned not to trust easily, she learned to sense danger, she learned survival when it was only her to defend her world. She learned fear early, much too early. She learned what protection is and how time and revelation can bring answers. She learned how to escape pain, physical and mental. She learned how mommy’s and daddy’s cry together and fight the outside world together. She learned so much more, but there is so much more the little black haired girl will never know or share with others. In early education she learned much and finally grew beyond what she had learned…..but it remained a part of her and made her stronger and allows her to hold on but have the faith to reach for help.